I don’t understand why I feel this deeply. I love it, but it hurts. And it makes me feel fucking crazy because everything makes me laugh and cry and just feel all of the time.

naked thoughts

scribble scratch, i see your face, i am trying. and you know, maybe it’s the consistent heaviness of two a.m. that’s always humming in my head, always romanticizing everything from the grass to the fucking drywall…but i’m okay with that. i might be. i don’t know why i feel so goddamn much in all directions. this air punctures me. small moments, you know? i am stressing all of my syllables, always strung out on play-pretend, human euphoria…i love you, stranger. and i don’t know. i don’t know a lot of things, why i buzz this way

last night, you kissed my nose and called me cute. but second guessing myself is tiring. sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing or what I want. I don’t want to want anything. I’m not going to let people make me feel bad about anything anymore. I don’t care. it can be that simple and that’s one thing I truly want. I want genuine happiness and I’m feeling it in little increments but fuck I want to feel it all at once. I want to be a whole lot better than my worst. I want to work on myself mentally and allow myself to grow.

Stopped mid-sentence to lean in and kiss me amidst the bookshelves, fawning over the mutual love we shared for the beatles- sitting cross legged lightly brushing your fingertips against my hands.. I could feel the nervousness sitting in the pit of my stomach. i just don’t know.